When Did Women Start Believing They Had to Give Up Themselves?

As a woman who has faced many challenges throughout life, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on how our experiences shape us. The older I get, the more I realize that many of the choices we make come from places of pain, conditioning, and the beliefs we develop from what we’ve witnessed growing up.

Our past affects how we view the future. Our environment shapes what we believe is possible for us. It influences how we see ourselves, what we think we deserve, and what roles we believe we must play.

Growing up, I remember never dreaming about marriage or having children. Not because I didn’t value family, but because the example I saw made it look like being a woman meant constantly sacrificing yourself for everyone else.

I watched my mother pour herself into taking care of the family. I remember seeing my father receive the best plate at dinner, the best piece of chicken, the best of everything. At the time, I didn’t fully understand it, but I remember questioning why women always seemed to come last.

Why did being a woman appear to require giving up so much of yourself?

As I got older, I met women from different backgrounds and different stages of life. Through conversations, friendships, and shared experiences, I began to notice something that deeply saddened me. Beneath the surface, so many women were carrying pain, disappointment, exhaustion, and resentment.

Many had spent years putting everyone else’s needs ahead of their own.

Many had become so focused on being a good wife, a good mother, a good daughter, or a good employee that somewhere along the way they stopped asking themselves a simple question:

“What do I need?”

The truth is, I don’t believe women were created to disappear.

I am a mother. I am a wife. I am a woman of faith. I believe deeply in family, commitment, and caring for those we love. But I do not believe those things should come at the cost of losing yourself.

Loving others should not require abandoning your own well-being.

Serving your family should not require sacrificing your identity.

Being a good woman should not mean ignoring your own dreams, health, happiness, and purpose.

One of the most surprising things for me after moving to Denmark was seeing a different perspective on the roles of men and women. While no society is perfect, I saw a culture that strives for greater equality and recognizes that a woman’s value is not determined by how much she sacrifices.

It made me reflect on how many beliefs we inherit without ever questioning them.

Perhaps the reason so many women feel exhausted is because they’ve been taught that self-care is selfish.

Perhaps the reason so many women feel guilty for resting is because they’ve been taught their worth is measured by what they do for others.

Perhaps the reason so many women struggle to support one another is because we’ve spent generations competing for validation instead of realizing we are strongest when we stand together.

Women are not each other’s competition.

We are each other’s greatest source of understanding, support, wisdom, and strength.

The older I get, the more I believe that taking care of yourself is not selfish. It’s necessary.

Because when a woman is emotionally healthy, physically healthy, and spiritually healthy, everyone around her benefits.

The goal was never to lose yourself in service to others.

The goal is to build a life where you can love others well without forgetting to love yourself too.